Christian Relationships

Ephesians 5:21 “Submitting to one another in the fear of God.”

After progressing in the foundations of Christianity, Paul gives us clear instructions on how to maintain our family and our relationships.

Husband & Wife

In Verse 22 onwards, we read the relationship between the husband and wife are compared with that of Christ and the Church. The important truth we learn is that Jesus is the savior and head. This special relationship started when Jesus saved the Church by purchasing it away from the world and then he had become the head of the body. So, as beneficiaries of this new purchase, we are required to exactly follow this sacrifice in our relationships.

The husband should take a savior’s role in the family. (Verse 25) He should accept the importance of the lady’s presence in his life. Jesus was longing for our love. This was the reason He gave importance to the commandment of loving God (Mathew 22:37) more than everything else. He should first love her to a sacrificial level. Since Christ was here as a living sacrifice for the salvation of the Church, the husband should submit himself that all his efforts henceforth should benefit the wife. There should be a lot of patience and suffering in this relationship.

The church does not submit to Christ just because it was preached or instructed. The reason for submission comes from the love received from Christ Himself. Similarly, a wife should happily submit herself to her husband because she had been loved abundantly. Comparing this situation with the parable in Mathew 18:21-35, we should know that our salvation will become void if we do not love our wives. This is a clear instruction from the Bible.

The next step is clean the church with water, by the word (v 26). This is an interesting portion where the husband cleanses the wife which is quite contrary to well accepted practices. Normal marriages are done where the wife comes from great inheritance in terms both materials and pride from her family and she is expected to bring honor to the husband’s family. But, in actual Christianity, it should be different. The wife has to disown all her previous inheritance and accept that she is nothing prior to the marriage. She has a need to be cleansed by the husband. Whatever values a wife had brought from her previous home becomes null and void. There should be absolutely zero bragging about the previous life.

And the term, cleansed by the word gives us another important lesson. The “word” here is not Logos (Written) but Rhema (spoken). This is different from John 1:1 where Jesus is given the importance of written word. Here, in Ephesians, Paul speaks about cleansing with the Word. This word is the authoritative declaration of God that when we are baptized with water, we are clean inward indeed. This declaration gives us the sanctity. In the very similar sense, the declaration of the Husband is sufficient for a woman’s sanctity. Until this, the woman is not considered pure. Many of us consider ourselves pure and holy because we did not sin or we never had an opportunity to do so. But Jesus was tested (Isaiah 28:16) and then he was declared holy. Similarly, until a woman gets tested at marriage on how her behavior is, she is not given any qualification.

Reading John 15:3, Jesus mentions to His disciples that they are already cleansed by the words he has given them. This was an utterance of faith and trust. Soon after this statement, Peter was going to deny Jesus. But, still Jesus calls them as “already cleansed”. This means that our receipt of the word makes us worthy and God has a strong trust that expects us to come to Him. This trust is mandatory for a healthy family life. Just as Jesus trusted us with Salvation without works, a husband should unconditionally trust his wife and vice versa.

This importance God has for this relationship is the reason why we need to leave our parents behind. Parents need to be honored by us unconditionally, but this should not influence the primary relationship. In many families, we strongly believe that only arranged marriages are accepted by God. Arranged marriages are good socially, but not a mandate from the Bible. But, the importance is on how we live after marriage and there is no mention on how to choose partners anywhere. However we get married, God values the relationship on the day of commitment. Sometimes parents give a very foolish statement that their son or daughter’s marriage was not the will of God and so, it did not work. Sometimes it is hard for children to submit to their spouses in front of their parents. The separation will avoid blame games. Parents expect a perfect spouse for their child. But the truth is two imperfect people join together in marriage towards perfection through submission. No marriage will work unless there is love and submission. And so, all marriages will work if love and submission are there.  

The mature requirement of a family is that a husband may present to himself a glorious wife (verse 27) without any wrinkle or blemish. This presentation does not come from the wife’s parents or anybody else. All benefits are received from the husband to the wife and it the wife herself who is the reward for a perfect husband. A good husband should be proud of his wife.

Children & Parents

We have limits in our submission to our spouses, but we do not provide that limit to our children’s obedience. Let us know that God commands unconditional obedience between servants-master and wife-husband, but in case of children, the phrase “in the Lord” is added. This means that this obedience should help a child’s relationship with Jesus Christ.  

For children, if we should be successful both in earth and heaven, it is required for us to honor our parents. This honor is unconditional and includes obedience to a great level.

Another thing we need to learn is that children can be provoked to anger and it is the parent’s duty to not encourage that. In Ephesians 4:26 requires us to be angry and not sin, implying that it is good to be angry and we should not sin. The thing to stop is wrath which is different from anger. This keeping away from sin during anger is a mature requirement and it is hard to expect from children. So, it is very important for parents to be patient while disciplining their children. There is a very distant gap between anger and discipline.

Parents should discipline and warn them towards the Lord. We need to make them understand that there is no life outside Jesus. The success the world is showing is completely wrong. We should not teach them to become rich or earthly successful, but teach them to pursue good characteristics. We need to teach them to be satisfied with what they earn.

Servants and Masters

For servants, the sincerity to work should be from the heart. Not to the eyes. They need to seek to do good for the money they are being paid. Let us understand that this obedience is also unconditional. If somebody had paid for our service even for an hour, we are bound to do that work unconditionally. Luckily we have a choice to agree before making the commitment. However, once bound, we need to submit ourselves completely.

And masters should understand that they are not the ultimate owners but have a master in heaven to whom both the servant and master are equally answerable.

Conclusion

If we have relationship with submission and love, it is very much easy to be successful in our relationship with God. Even the presence of anger will be constructive if there is love, submission and fear of God.